During a seemingly ordinary playdate that inevitably extended into dinner time, an unexpected topic surfaced: the intricate balance of family schedules and children’s sleep routines. My partner Pat and I found ourselves chuckling at the frantic rush of another family, scrambling to uphold their toddler’s strict 8 p.m. bedtime. The laughter, however, quickly morphed into disbelief as we learned that this child awakens every morning at the ungodly hour of 5:30 a.m. It dawned on us just how different our nightly rituals were—our own three-year-old hasn’t seen the sun greet her until around 10 a.m. since she was merely a wee babe.
As the conversation deepened into a reflection on various sleep habits, I recalled a time during my pregnancy when Pat nervously asked about infants’ sleep schedules. I casually remarked that most babies sleep around 7 or 7:30 p.m., which visibly distressed him. Given his demanding job in federal service, which often kept him away until 8 or 9 p.m., the clash was evident. The need for a united family schedule became apparent, but the task ahead loomed daunting.
In those early days of parenthood, as we navigated the sleepless nights with our newborn, discussions about sleep seemed ever so distant. However, as Lucy grew older, we experienced a remarkable transformation in her sleeping patterns. By a mere two months, we began to relish the bliss of longer sleep stretches. The milestone of her sleeping for a full eight hours consecutively ushered in a newfound sense of freedom for both of us as parents.
As Lucy settled into her night routine around 10 p.m., we emerged from the fog of sleep deprivation. The early mornings that once jolted us awake now became manageable once I adjusted my work-life balance as an advising dean. I was ready to send my little one off to school, relishing the early hours of tranquility while enjoying a cup of coffee with Pat.
As Lucy quickly approaches her fourth birthday, the rhythms of our household remain unfaltering. Our friends often express surprise when I share that I delicately nudge Lucy awake for school at 8 a.m. They’ve dubbed her sleep schedule “teenage-like” due to the laid-back nature of our mornings. Yet, this routine has granted Pat and me the chance to savor quiet moments before the world awakens. Our mornings are filled with shared laughter—a necessary precursor to the busy day ahead.
Our evenings tend to flow seamlessly. After a day on campus, Lucy and I relish our walk home, often stopping at a nearby playground to unwind. Once home, she eagerly immerses herself in her play while I begin prepping dinner. By 7:30 p.m., I receive Pat’s familiar text notifying me of his imminent arrival. The instant the door swings open, Lucy leaps to greet him, radiating joy.
It may sound deceptively simple, but our nightly routine of sharing a family meal before bedtime is more meaningful than it appears. Amidst fewer familial obligations, we’ve crafted a nurturing environment where we gather around the dinner table, strengthening our bond as a unit. Of course, there are nights when excitement overtakes Lucy, resulting in her veering off schedule as if caught in a playful whirlwind. Under such circumstances, I find myself playfully chastising her, yet it’s amusing to recognize that our pace offers a stark contrast to our friends who relish long adult evenings once their kids have retired.
Quality Over Quantity
The flexible bedtime works wonders, especially for us busy parents longing to wrap up the day without compromising our professional duties. In contrast to the families who share the traditional early dinner and then bask in uninterrupted adult time, our later routines allow us to give Lucy our undivided attention. Weekends, therefore, smoothly flow as we relish lazy mornings and late brunches, free from the frantic race for early returns or quick turnarounds after outings.
Our distinctive bedtime philosophy has reaped unforeseen benefits during holidays, allowing us to bask in adrenaline-free Christmas mornings, sipping coffee while the world comes alive around us. This seemingly unconventional approach has elicited disapproval and curiosity from those around us, yet our pediatrician affirms that Lucy receives sufficient rest, evidenced through her vital daytime naps.
As Lucy grows, I’m cognizant that the tides will shift, perhaps necessitating an earlier bedtime. But for now, our family thrives in this unique rhythm that respects our lifestyle and fosters connection. Each story shared, every morning coffee enjoyed, and each bedtime kiss proves that there’s beauty in embracing our unconventional norms as we navigate parenthood. This journey is undeniably ours alone—a testament to the ever-evolving tapestry that is family life.