Welcoming a new baby into the family is an exhilarating yet daunting experience, particularly when an older sibling is involved. Every parent faces the reality of navigating the complexities that accompany the arrival of a new child. As a Montessori teacher, I find that the principles I teach provide significant insight into preparing a toddler for this transition. My son, soon to be 27 months old, will soon become a big brother, an experience filled with promise but also fraught with challenges. It’s imperative that I help him adjust and grow emotionally during this significant life change.
The introduction of a new sibling is likely to disrupt the routine and stability that toddlers cling to. Changes in behavior may include regression in previously attained skills like toilet training or sleeping patterns. While it’s impossible to fully brace my son for this new reality, I believe that open communication is a crucial first step. Drawing from Montessori principles, I’ve committed to informing him about what’s coming. As soon as the first trimester concluded, I introduced the concept of his baby sister using ultrasound images, allowing him to grasp the idea that there will soon be another little person in our lives.
Explaining the realities of the birth process has also been part of our discussions. By discussing everything from the hospital visit to who will care for him during that time, I hope to alleviate any potential anxiety. Toddlers thrive on predictability, and laying out these details helps establish a clearer emotional landscape for him.
A fundamental aspect of Montessori education is to “follow the child.” This philosophy encourages educators and parents to listen to the interests and needs of the child rather than imposing adult agendas. I’ve embraced this concept by engaging my son in conversations about the upcoming changes in a manner that respects his cues for engagement. Sometimes he expresses eagerness to discuss the new baby; other times, he may not be interested at all. I make sure to be available and present whenever he chooses to revisit the topic, allowing for meaningful exchanges that validate his feelings.
Moreover, involving my son in tangible preparations for his baby sister has proven to be one of the most effective strategies. Together, we worked on assembling furniture for her room, an activity he derived joy from and one that solidified his role in this new family dynamic. He has even contributed to choosing her name, although his playful suggestion of “Spee” was ultimately put on hold!
Teaching empathy is an essential part of preparing a child for a sibling. In Montessori contexts, children learn to be considerate towards each other, even if it’s as simple as being gentle with smaller beings. We’ve already started practicing this with my son, emphasizing the importance of being gentle both with me—since the baby is still in my belly—and soon with his new sister. These lessons extend to our interactions with pets and plants, ensuring he grasps the underlying principle of kindness.
Furthermore, creating opportunities for “time in” has been essential. Dedicating special, focused time for just him lets him know he’s valued and secure in his place within our family. Yet, I also balance this by encouraging independent play, which is vital for his development and allows me to manage my time and responsibilities effectively.
Another critical aspect of this preparation is managing expectations. I regularly show my son his baby book, recounting the story of his arrival into the world. By drawing parallels between his experiences and those waiting for his baby sister, he begins to understand that she will not be able to engage with him immediately, but that over time, she will grow and develop just like he did.
We’ve also made an effort to spend time around babies, whether through friends or family gatherings. This exposure helps paint a realistic portrait of what it’s like to have an infant around. Understanding the nature of a newborn—beyond the cuddles and cuteness—sets him up for a more balanced emotional expectation.
As the days draw closer to the birth of his baby sister, I find myself oscillating between excitement and trepidation. There’s no doubt that the transition period will come with challenges—times when my son may seek my attention at inconvenient moments, making me feel guilty about the balance of sharing my love between him and his sister. Nonetheless, I trust in the foundational work we’ve established and genuinely believe that he will learn to embrace his new role as an older brother. By fostering his independence, ensuring he feels secure in our bond, and respecting his emotional process, I remain optimistic as we embark into this new chapter together.